Red Billabong – movie review

I am really sorry to have to say that I have just seen another Australian movie which is absolutely ghastly, in the form of Red Billabong.

Nick Marshall (Dan Ewing from Home and Away) and his estranged brother Tristan (Tim Pocock) are drawn into a world of secrets and lies when their grandfather’s enormous outback property passes into their hands. Old wounds are reopened as Tristan’s friends arrive and strange noises emanate from the nearby river watering hole. After a visit from an Aboriginal elder and a meet and greet with an unscrupulous property developer who wants to purchase the land, the brothers wonder what they should do.

The producers in a statement about the film say it is unapologetically a popcorn thriller and action flick. “We want to give the audience a chance to feel claustrophobically trapped in this world where humans can become spirits, where everyone is not who they seem and where a terrifying monster lurking in the bush can be real” Poppycock, I say. They failed to deliver.

Now for a bit more inspiration, let’s turn to the first time director and writer and his thoughts – his name is Luke Sparke. He says he has lived with this script for a decade and has worked diligently to tighten the plot (really, I most certainly question that), amp up the pace and update the technology and cultural references. “I have imagined every conceivable angle, I know the characters and the story inside and out and cannot wait to bring it … to life on the screen.” I can only wish he had, because then I wouldn’t have had to sit through this nonsense.

This is C or D grade schlock fare that, for all intents and purposes, appears to have been cooked up in some teenager’s backyard when he was high on illicit substances. I am genuinely embarrassed that the state of Australian filmmaking has come to this. The script is appalling, as is much of the acting, which clearly suffered from the bilge the actors were forced to work with. The story, which is mighty convoluted, gets worse and worse the longer it progresses. It is simply tortuous to watch and all the more so because it is unnecessarily drawn out and then some.

I was praying for it to end, but it didn’t – more nonsense piled on more nonsense, fed by a fantasy with links to indigenous Australia. I simply couldn’t care less and I can only hope that neither will you or should you. I plead with you to give Red Billabong a miss. This is two hours of your life that will leave you psychologically scarred. Pretentious crap is too mild a description.

Pretty cinematography and tranquil rural surrounds can’t sugar coat one of the darkest days for Australian cinema. Rated MA, Red Billabong scores a 0 out of 10.

Director: Luke Sparke
Cast: Dan Ewing, Tim Pocock, Greg Fryer, Felix Williamson, Sophie Don
Release Date: 25 August 2016 (limited)
Rating: MA 15+

Alex First