Toddlers
not so terrible
I became a fan of Pinky McKay after reading her
down-to-earth articles on bellybelly.com.au whilst I was pregnant
with my son so I was pleased to see her new book Toddler Tactics:
How to make magic from mayhem had been released. Its timing could
not have been better as my son had recently celebrated his first
birthday and graduated from baby to toddler.
Pinky
McKay is a lactation consultant, infant massage instructor, author
and columnist specialising in parenting and baby care. Her books
include Parenting By Heart and Sleeping Like a Baby.
Toddler Tactics is an easy and reasonably quick
read; I finished it in a few hours. However, for a small book
it's incredible how much useful information it contains. Topics
include toddlers' physical development, behaviour, play, learning
and sleeping, to name but a few.
It's the kind of book that can also be used as a
reference to be consulted later as your child grows and new challenges
arise. For example, I'll be revisiting the chapter on toilet training
in a year or two.
McKay has a gentle approach to parenting. Her advice
doesn't come with a 'Do it this way or your child will be forever
ruined' footnote. She doesn't aim to add to the pressure already
on parents who are often already feeling guilty or inadequate
for one reason or another. Rather she provides answers to a lot
of the questions many parents will have about their toddlers with
a guiding hand and some common sense advice. For instance, tips
for encouraging healthy eating include: don’t put too much
food on your child’s plate, and let your toddler help prepare
food and some things parents can do to support their toddler’s
speech include: name everything, listen, exaggerate speech sounds
Toddler Tactics is peppered with first-hand accounts
from parents of toddlers sharing their experiences and their own
toddler tactics which are often quite touching and very helpful
in themselves.
McKay does have some parenting do’s and don'ts
however they are do’s and don’ts that I don't think
any conscientious parent could disagree with. For example: don't
label children, use rewards rather than bribery, support don’t
criticise. Even though these are all common sense principles,
as a parent, it helps to be reminded sometimes.
Whilst there is a lot of useful advice and information
in this book I think the most important thing I learnt from it
is to always try looking at things from my child’s perspective.
For instance, McKay gives parents a reality check with regards
sharing:
Do you lend your friend your car, your computer
or your brand-new shoes? Isn’t it a bit unrealistic to
expect your toddler to willingly part with his favourite toys
whenever a strange child visits? (p93)
Point taken. And she reminds parents that very young
children are simply not able to understand the concept of sharing,
this capacity doesn’t develop until about three years of
age. So in other words, ‘Lighten up Mum and Dad!’
And McKay has this advice for playtime:
Give children a few minutes’ warning
that it’s nearly time to stop playing, rather than insisting
they pack up now! Imagine how you would feel if you were busily
working at a task and somebody ordered you to stop immediately!
(p119)
Toddler Tactics is a must-read for all parents
(and future parents) of toddlers.
Karin
Van Heerwaarden
Read more of Karin’s reviews and author interviews
at her blog, pages et
cetera.
