Let's get ready to ruuummmble...
There
was a time (during the 1990s, if memory serves) when Gladiators
was a ratings king. Inevitably, the show declined and was eventually
mercifully chopped. Well, just when you thought it was safe to
pull on the leotard again, it’s back. Yes, the powers that
be at Seven have, in a miracle surpassed only by Lazarus, resurrected
the show in all its lycra-clad glory.
In case you haven’t seen it, Gladiators
is the game show equivalent of professional wrestling. Essentially,
it involves contestants who believe they have athletic ability
pitting themselves against the selection of muscle-bound professionals
who give the show its name. In the main part of the show, the
generally hapless contestants have to battle various gladiators
in a series of athletic contests. Generally, the odds are stacked
against the contestants, so any victory for them is a monumental
achievement.
In the end game (known as the eliminator) however,
the contestants square off in male and female finals, which involve
racing each other round an obstacle course. Victories in the preliminary
rounds score points, which in turn translate into so many seconds
head start in the eliminator.
The contestants however are generally the sideshows
in this particular little carnival; the main attraction being
the gladiators. 
With
names like Thunder, Olympia, Tank and Viper, they’re meant
to be larger than life characters; and they’re certainly
imposing specimens (and include a number of high-profile sports
people). Whether their personalities – and acting ability
– match their physiques though is highly debatable.
Tom Williams – having previously graced various
travel shows and famously winning Dancing With the Stars
sans shirt – is a natural as the show’s male host.
He’s paired with Zoe Naylor, she of McLeod’s Daughters
fame. Neither of them have to do very much but mouth some obviously
scripted lines so that the contestants can sprout platitudes about
giving 110%.
Of course, just like its progenitor in professional
wrestling, not all that much is “real” here. Yes,
the contests can get pretty physical at times (although everyone
gets ample safety gear) , but the verbal confrontations are so
stage-managed and stilted, you’d think they were taken from
the post-match interview at an NRL game.
If you’re into splashy colour and physical
altercation with lots of padding, Gladiators is for you.
This show has all the intellectual depth of a cerebral wading
pool, but it has something of the appeal of old-style vaudeville
shows – dated, predictable, yet still oddly attractive.
I hate myself for even watching it.
Phil James
