Erin Vincent

Erin Vincent’s debut novel, Grief Girl is the true account of the death of her parents when she was fourteen years old and the grief and events of the following years. Erin took time out during her busy book tour to chat with Karin van Heerwaarden.

How much of Grief Girl is based on your memories and how much on the memories of family and friends?
It's 100% my memories. I didn't actually ask anyone anything because I really felt like it was my story. My sister has her own story and my brother has his own story and so I felt like it was just my memories and my perspective. I think because what happened was so traumatic the memories are so vivid. When I starting writing it I remembered every little detail. I think because of the trauma of it, it was so intense, that the memories are intense.

What has been your family's response to the book?
I don't know yet; they haven't read it yet. I know my brother is sort of like 'whatever', he surfs and fishes and he's not much of a reader or anything and he's really happy for me but he hasn't gotten around to it. He's a typical boy, you know. And my sister hasn't read it. I think she's very nervous about reading it; she's always been very 'let's not talk about it, let's just move on' and she's sort of wanting just to ignore it. And so to read it would be really not ignoring it. I think she'll read it when she's ready but I don't think she's quite ready yet. But I might get home and there might be a phone call that she has read it - I don't know.

You set out to write Grief Girl expecting it to take six months and it ended up taking several years. Why did it take so much longer than you thought?
First of all it was the fact that I decided I wanted to write everything I remembered which just physically took a long time to do. But also there was so much emotion involved as well; I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started. I'd dealt with it as an adult and moved on with my life but I forced myself to relive it thinking that's the only way for the book to be raw and honest so of course I retraumatised myself not realising and there were highs and depression and all this stuff whilst I was writing it and halfway through I had to have a little break so it just stretched into years. [My partner] helped with things like when I was too tired to write he'd interview me instead. I'd say that I'm too tired to talk about this thing, or too tired to write about it, so he'd say 'Why don't I just interview you and we'll tape it.' So often we'd do things like that and he'd transcribe the tapes with two fingers on a typewriter. He was amazing and he looked after a lot of stuff whilst I was going through the emotion of it just in our lives generally. And just having his emotional support was amazing.

What did you learn about yourself whilst writing Grief Girl?
One thing I learnt was that a lot of it hadn't actually left me. I actually thought, that you know, I'd dealt with it, it's gone, but I think it still resides in you always on some level. I also learnt that I've always been a little bit unsettled and I didn't know that until now that it's done I feel really calm and settled.

What do you hope your readers will get from your novel?
I think the main thing is that, well first of all, the reason I was so honest about grief is to not gloss over it and to show how horrific it is but then be able to say 'Yes, it's absolutely devastating but you can get through it' because I did and I never thought I would get through it but you can so that's probably the main thing. I'd read a book that would try to offer hope and I'd think 'This is bull' because what they're offering hope about they're just glossing over it anyway.

You don’t pull any punches in Grief Girl, it's a warts and all account of your experience that doesn't always paint yourself and some family members in the kindest light. Did you consider writing a less honest account in order to protect anyone's feelings and/or avoid any potential conflict?
No. Actually that's a lie - I probably did. I did have moments of thinking 'Oh, this is going to hurt Tracy or this is going to hurt, you know' but then I thought if I write it and make out that everything was just dandy, that she was strong and noble and I was strong and noble, I thought, that's just not honest and then how does that help anyone because then people think that they have to live up to that. Or if I painted a picture of me being a hero it's like, that's just dishonest. And I wanted people to see how hard it was for my sister and not just make out that it's like the movies where we're all so brave and strong and we get over it really fast. That gives such a false idea of what it's like and then you go through it and you're like 'Hang on, why am I going through it this way when no one else seems to.' It's terrible if anyone is hurt by it; I hope they see it's just an honest account and ultimately with my family, my sister and brother, I hope they see that it's a testament to them as well.

What kind of feedback have you received from readers?
It's been quite amazing. Even just being in Australia and doing radio and TV, people have been writing and emailing just saying 'Thank you so much for being so honest because it's always sugar coated and it's finally great to have someone who knows how I'm feeling'. I've had things like that. I've had a 16-year-old girl, when I was in America, come up to me and say 'Thank you so much, my friend died a year ago in an accident and everyone's just telling me you should be this and you should be that and I read your book and I felt like I was reading my own words. You make me feel like you understand.' It's just amazing; almost everyone I meet, they've lost this person or that person so the response has been wonderfully overwhelming.

What's next for you? Do you plan to write another book?
I'm writing a novel so I guess that's my next thing. Also we're moving back to Australia. We've been in LA for eleven years but now that I've written the book, like I said, I feel much more settled I feel like I'm ready to come home and my husband wants to come home.

Karin van Heerwaarden

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Erin Vincent

Book: Grief Girl
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Price: $ 16.95

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